This is how you love her.

Pay attention.  She will remember that time you gave money to a subway performer.  She will remember the way your finger moved up and down her back the first time you saw her naked.  She will remember when you remember.  She will remember when you forget.

Don’t be callous when homeless people make her sad, even though she passes them on the street everyday.  She is sensitive, you must be too.  Don’t say that it’s their fault.  You’ll never convince her and who do you think you are anyways?  Hold her hand tighter.  She’s sensitive.  You must be too.  She knows what it is to barely have enough, make her feel like she is your everything.  She knows what it is to have to fight for you need.  She is tough.  You must be too. 

Listen when she tells you a story.  Hear the story behind the story.  Pay attention.  If you don’t, she will say, “You never listen!”  And she will remember every goddamned time she says this and out of all the stuff you will forget, you will remember it too.  And you will both grow to hate it.  Don’t. 

Listen when she is silent.  Listen for what she isn’t saying.  Pay attention.  Know her well enough to know why.  Why she is crying.  Why she is quiet.  Why she wants to drink after work on a Tuesday.  Let her know you too.  She wants to.  And isn’t that what you wanted when you first saw her, anyways?  For a girl like that to want to know someone like you?  You still remember the gold buttons on the blazer she was wearing the first time you saw her.  And didn’t even think you had a chance in hell.  And weren’t you excided and proud when she asked you out?  And those boots she wore on your first date—the way those things hugged her legs all the way to her knees…  See, you do pay attention.

Take her side.  Always.  Because she sleeps beside you.  Because she would fight for you even if you were wrong.  Because she is the only one who gets to tell you when you’re wrong. 

Kiss her forehead.  You love the way she kisses your forehead every morning before she leaves for work. Make sure she knows she doesn’t compare to those other women or to that porn you watch.  Let her come first.  And when you have sex, do not say, “Ooops, sorry baby.  I’m done.”  And don’t think it will help when you say, “It was just so good, I couldn’t control myself,” as you role over and close your eyes for the night.  She remembers everything and she will damn sure remember this and she will say, “This is just like how you never listen.  You only care about yourself!”  God knows you can be selfish, but don’t be in bed. 

Let her know she’s beautiful.  Assure her that any skinny bitch you might have fucked before her doesn’t count.  Sure, there is a certain fragile beauty you like to admire in the small boned frames of women like those, but they aren’t the one you want to curl up beside after a long day.  You love tucking into the curves of her body.  You love cradling her hips against yours.  Shit, you love her.

Let her wear your clothes.  Okay, so you’d rather see her wear the dress that hugs her breasts in a way you sometimes dream of doing when you’re walking down the street together, but just know that she wants to wear your shirt because she feels sexiest when she’s with you and she wants you all over her, all the time.  Fuck that dress.  The shirt is yours.  She is yours.  And she wants to be.  Isn’t that what you wanted?

Go to karaoke with her and her friends.  And sign that duet with her when she begs you too.  She’s happy with you and she wants her friends to see it too.  

Remember, you didn’t get that great job you have now by acting like it didn’t matter.  There is nothing in life that you can keep without working to hold onto it.  Treat her like she is at least as important as anything you’ve ever wanted.  This is how you love her.