Dreamer

I cried in my sleep last night.  My dream fingers carefully wiped dream mascara streaks from around my dream eyes.  I cry in my sleep almost every night lately.  I cry big dream sobs.  My dream body shakes violent dream shakes.  And there’s so many warm wet dream tears.  Maybe something is really wrong.

I can cry when I’m awake, but not like that.  Not unabashed.  Not uncontrolled.  Not without telling myself to get over it and go to work or to the party or to class or to just to turn on the TV. 

I used to dream conversations, ask questions and finally get the answers I needed.  I used to dream kisses with men that I used to really know.  And when I felt like something –someone was lost— I found what I needed in my dreams and woke up feeling better.

Now, when I’m awake, I have real conversations with real people.  I wonder if I really know them.  I ask real questions but the answers fade faster than dreams.  And I share real kisses with a real man but it’s not real. And it’s not a dream come true. 

Something is lost and I can’t find what I need.

And someone once called me his dream girl.  We were both awake but dreaming.  But it wasn’t a dream come true.  Though, who would want that when it’s just as possible to cry in dreams?