Tuesday, September 11, 2012

How many loved your moments of glad grace



We become each other’s stories.  Family is the story we inherit, but everyone else…  They are the stories told to us, the stories we tell ourselves, the stories we retell until they are no longer a person at all but an anecdote demonstrating who we were and who we’ve become.

And now here’s a story:


When I drink a martini it’s because I like the way the glass feels against my lips.  When the martini glass sits on the bar in front of me I like to run my finger up and down its slender stem because this single movement makes my boredom feel beautiful.  And when I pull my small notebook out of my purse and start making notes in it while my friends maintain a light but steady flow of conversation between each other, it is because I am dramatically discontented in the present moment and concerned that most of life will be like this from here on out – mostly mundane. 

It was my fifth night of my new life in New York City.  My lips kissed the rim of my second French martini as I watched the bartender.  He was short and dark and not very good at his job.  He seemed happily average at all things and oddly confident that either one of my friends or myself would join him for some late night Mexican food once he finished his shift.  I would join him, but not because he interested me – only because anyone who had ever interested me was long gone and I felt that I was getting too old to keep passing up the chance to go out and see if someone I deemed boring upon first impression could pleasantly surprise me.

I was in what my friends had told me was a “trendy” jazz bar in the West Village and I was dressed in a little black dress and new patent leather heels and cascading vintage jewelry, all of which I had had no use for all summer.  Nevertheless, the night felt worse than a night of eight dollar wine bottles and iTunes dancing on kitchen floors in Chicago and small-town Wisconsin.  It was worse because no one else seemed to understand that it could be anything less than wonderful.  Somehow the sheer fact that it was a jazz bar in the West Village was supposed to be enough to ensure happiness.  At least with my family and with my best of friends, when I said that I was worried that this was as good as it gets, they would all nod in agreement because our hearts all beat upon the same artistically, temperamental, terror drum. 

Between saying “goodnight” to my friends and meeting up with the bartender I wandered the streets of the West Village.  It was late and they were empty but brightened by the glow that spilled forth from the windows of big brownstone houses and white brick apartments.  On a street corner, between a large pile of garbage and a sleeping homeless man, I texted my brother and one of the most interesting people I know.  I asked them each if they thought that most people were secretly as lonely and discontent as I was.  They each replied that they did.  And we all agreed that most people are just better at faking it than I am.

So I put on a smile and spent the early morning hours listening to the bartender tell me about himself.  He also told me what food to order and what beer to drink.  And I told myself that he would, at least, make a good story about my first week in New York. 

As it turns out, he doesn’t make a very good story.  The only good story here is that when I walked alone into my apartment that morning I was pleased to prove yet again that I am no longer the person I was ten months ago, fingering my martini glass and going home with a boyfriend I hated just to pass the time.  Now when I feel bored with life and everyone around me, I have the small comfort that I am not alone in this feeling.  And I have the even greater comfort of knowing that I did once find a place filled with people with whom I never felt bored or discontented -- with whom time was not a tedious thing but a delightfully graceless dance that we wove together through songs and smiles and stolen kisses upon a kitchen floor.

And so sometimes I am the kind of woman who orders a martini because she likes the way the glass feels as it receives her lips’ cool kiss.  But always, in my heart of hearts, I am the woman – the girl, the happiest – dancing on that kitchen floor. 

Remember how I wrote before that we become each other’s stories?  The bartender became just one more story that brings me back to my favorite one to tell.


*The title of this post is taken from a line in the W.B. Yeats poem, "When You Are Old."

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