I always think to myself that I’ve been through enough, so nothing could
ever possibly ever hurt me that badly again.I always make the mistake of thinking that surviving past heartbreaks
and hardships means that it won’t be that hard to go through more in the future.And it’s true.But it’s also wrong.Nothing will ever hurt quite like that; it will
hurt differently—not less.It makes me
think of the Scott Fitzgerald line, “There are all kinds of love in
this world but never the same love twice.” There are all kinds of heartbreak in
the world but never the same heartbreak twice.It’s like a virus that mutates.There is no immunity.
And even as I’m crying and reminding myself that
eventually it always gets better, that eventually you accept that the bed is not
half empty but half full, eventually you get up and go out into the world and
start to trust people again—even as I’m telling myself that, I wonder if it’s
really any better or just different.
Molly Shea is a nonfiction writer and a recreational poet in New York City. Her memoir-in-progress Love You, Mean It tells the story of how growing up in a dysfunctional matriarchal family in Southwestern Wisconsin ultimately affected her adult life. It is a story about love in the context of rape, abuse, alcohol, and hope. Molly would like to live and love happily ever after. Molly holds a Masters from The New School.