Wednesday, September 11, 2013

the more I seek to return to the zero moment from which I set out, the further I move away from it

His fingers moved up and down along the ridge of my spine, tenderly tracing its slightly curved path from the indent just above my leggings to the pink lace of my bra and then back down.  I thought of the book If On A Winter’s Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino.  “It’s a story about two people who chase good stories until they become one themselves.” That was what someone had said to me once, and what I had said to him, and what he already knew.  I thought about the line about lovers reading each other’s bodies; it’s a nonlinear narrative but a direction can be recognized in it.  Is the direction towards an end, or towards a hope of recovering time?  I had liked him in part because he was obstinately youthful, with his smile he waged a battle against growing up and with him I joined the fight.  His skin was smooth and warm beneath my palms as I read the slope of him.  His kisses were good enough not to want to rush through to an end.  And I didn’t.  Like a reader afraid to start a story because then the story would begin to end, I hovered between the beginning before the beginning and a point just after, when fiction plays with possibilities and nonfiction proves stranger.  

*The title of this post is taken from a passage in Italo Calvino's novel, If On A Winter’s Night a Traveler.

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